The Geek Savants

This week the entire Geek Savants cast get together for a freeballer of epic proportion. It’s the Savants at their scummiest as the guys address the forum backlash from last week’s episode, Dave and Ugly throwdown over the Brown Canary, the mystery of the Eskimo continues to unfold, plus back waxing and popculture news!

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This week, the guys take their favorite film directors and throw them in the octagon to see which one reigns supreme. Ever debate who is the better filmmaker: Martin Scorsese or Quentin Tarantino? Ridley Scott or Tony Scott? Cameron Crowe or Judd Apaptow? Find out who makes the cut!

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This week, the guys get together to respond to voicemails, Dave goes to war with AT&T, Ugly defends statuatory rape (again), and the mystery of Ron begins to unfold. Plus, more comics, movie, TV and porn talk!

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We talked a lot about our all time favorites of all time, but we thought you’d like to see them as well!

HERE ARE BRIAN’S:

RON’S:

GRANT’S:

SUPER UGLY’S:

AND DAVE’S:

Have fun tracking this shit down, Savantites! We’ll see you Sunday!

This week the guys return to the attic for another installment of Toy Crazy Old Men (last seen way back in episode eight). This time out, Brian and Ron are added to the mix and the guys get down on their all time favorite toys (of all time) and add to their classic toy wish list. If you think the subject matter is tame, you don’t know the Savants, as toy talk leads the boys back down memory lane with more tales of lore, more toy thievery and parental gang bangs. Word to your mother!

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This week, the entire TGS cast reunites for their San Diego Comic Con wrap up. Unfortunately, none of them actually went to SDCC, so they have to rely on the internets for the news. Strap yourselves in for the worst (or is that best?) coverage of popculture’s greatest spectacle. Plus, Brian goes to Canada, emails, Facebook, and more Jew on Jew hate than you can stomach! Our balls… your mouthes. Get used to it.

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This week the Super Ugly, Dave and Ron address recent emails in between recounting the worst events in their sex lives. It’s a potpourri of bad dates, missed opportunities, secret shames, underage girls… and butt sex. Life lessons abound as the guys lay it all on the line for the sake of the listeners in hope that they might learn from The Geek Savants ultimate failures.

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This week the guys go over recent news of the world, including the Bearfoot Bandit, wife beating Mel Gibson, BP, and the MILF of all MILFs, Aimee Sword. No comic talk here, just popculture debauchery, Savant-style.

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This week the boys literally jump the shark, celebrating their 175th episode by going over their favorite Pre-90’s sitcoms. It’s a trip down memory lane Savant-style, as the guys recall the hundreds of wasted hours spent in front of the TV.

Music by Souls of Mischief and Unified School District.

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This week the guys let their balls hang free as they discuss recent news including Wonder Woman’s new costume and the all-new Spider-man actor, and review “The Last Airbender” and “Toy Story 3.” An off handed comment from Super Ugly almost leads to a fist fight with Brian, and Dave drinks a LOT. Plus, the guys discuss 406northlane.com’s Top Ten 80’s Action Flick List and begin to make plans for what will be an epic 200th episode.

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This week the guys give Grant center stage as he recounts the two month gap between recording with The Geek Savants. Along the way he describes the perils of moving, retraces his steps in Catalina– reliving that fateful day when he crippled his mother’s cocaine addled boyfriend, and takes a family cruise in which Grant enters a hairiest chest contest, finds an arch-nemesis or two, and nearly has a threesome with E.T.’s Dee Wallace.

Plus, the truth behind Super Ugly’s hatred of Adam Hughes is revealed, and the guys bicker about Dave’s ability to talk to anyone.

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This is the commission request from Heroes Con 2010 that Dave wouldn’t shut up about in episodes 171 and 172. Somethings are better left unposted, but for you, our faithful listener, we present “Green Arrow in the Brown Canary.” Enjoy:

This week the guys welcome Grant Miller back into the fold, and John’s original DJ, Ron Baxter, makes his first appearance for what could possibly be the filthiest episode ever! No comic talk here, just raw unedited discussions about making music, Deadliest Warrior: Gay vs. Straight, the most offensive Real Doll ever and the nastiness growing between Ugly and Grant’s legs. This one is not for the squeamish!

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Welcome back to Tropicana Village. This month Jesse and Ugly discuss the wacky world of spray painting on buildings. They go into detail on the rules and lingo of graffiti– along the way discussing why a fat guy thinks he should be on a roof, why a fat guy thinks painting a girls name will “get him some” and other oddities. Ever want to know something about the crap that clogs up the walls and freeways in your hometown? Well, Tropicana Village has an episode for you.

Outro music: “Simple As” by Kid Cudi

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In the most unenergetic episode ever, Dave and Super Ugly recount their time at Heroes Con. What transpires is a bitch and moan session of gigantic proportions in which Dave gets the greatest/worst commission request of all time, Super Ugly declares war on a famous pin-up artist and they both fight the urge to crap their pants. Enjoy… if you dare!

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This week Dave and Ugly venture to the Dirty South for Charlotte, NC’s Heros Con. Recorded on the Friday of the show, they are joined by Comic Geek Speak’s Bryan Deemer, Subculture’s Kevin Freeman, and PKD Media’s Shawn Pryor and Jon Carroll. The guys discuss a mixed bag of topics including their wives tolerance levels, convention life and hot chicks that draw, circumcision and why the forum keeps crashing. Plus, Bryan Deemer reveals himself as the Sexual Sorcerer Supreme. By the Whory Whores of Hoggath!

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This week the guys get together for a little comic talk. This time it’s a Deadliest Warrior style discussion of recent Cosmic, Crossover, Team and “Return of…” comics as the boys leave bodies in their wake as they crown the best of the Big Two in each category. Plus, the guys pay their respects to two of their heroes, Ugly decides to get the band back together, and TGS makes the biggest decision in their three year history: They are now a spoiler podcast.

Outro music by Ronnie James Dio.

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This week The Geek Savants get multiple upgrades in their battle against mediocrity as they get new recording equipment and a new secret lair. Join them in their quest to crown the deadliest warrior, review Iron Man 2, make predictions for tonight’s LOST series finale, discuss recent season finales, ponder the internet’s latest craze, and pose the most important question in the history of the show: who would win in a fight… Hillbillies or Guidos? The answer will surprise you…

Strap yourselves in and get ready for an ass roll!

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This week the guys sit down to record another movie commentary, this time for Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li. What starts out as one of the worst movie watching experiences of their lives turns into one the greatest as Chris Klein inadvertently steals The Geek Savants hearts, and the guys create one of the best drinking games EVER!   

Break out those DVDs kids, it’s Street Fighter time!

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Sorry about the sound quality in this week’s episode. We recorded in Super Ugly’s living room after our Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li commentary. It’s a huge room with not much in it so our voices bounced off the walls something fierce.

We’re moving into the new Savant studio week after next so the sound will be top notch from here on out…

This week the guys welcome Grant back in the only way his wife, I mean life will allow: through voicemails. Thankfully Grant’s messages are almost as entertaining as the man himself, sparking conversations about male pattern baldness, rough sex, Jerseylicious, sexy video bloggers and buying a money pit.

No comic talk here, just grade-A Savant scumdillery!

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Welcome to the first episode of “The Geek Savants Present: Tropicana Village.” Super Ugly and his co-pilot Jesse Cortez take a different road to get to the same scummy side of town that you’ve come to know and love. In this episode the guys talk racecars, professional drinking, eagle dick and the elusive Asian swamp eel. Please join us as we give you a supplemental suppository of goodness.

Outro music: “2000 Man” by the Rolling Stones.

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This week the guys take a break from their normal schedule with a reposting of Comic Geek Speak’s Super Show 2010 Webcomics Panel. This informative and hilarious panel features (from left to right) Jamie Fickes of Mumblepuss, Dave Dwonch (hey, that’s me!) of Space-Time Condominium, Mike Schwartz of Oceanverse, Danielle Corsetto of Girls With Slingshots, Katie Cook of Gronk, Julian Lytle of ANTS, Kevin Freeman of SubCulture, and moderator Jim Ford of FW4D.

Ever wondered what goes into making a webcomic? Find out here!

Special thanks to Bruce Rosenberger and Jamie Fickes for suppyling the audio.

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This week, the guys discuss DC’s zomberiffic crossover: Blackest Night. What transpires is a jumbled trainwreck of an episode that drunkenly makes its way through the eight issue miniseries, crossovers, spinoffs, and recent issues of Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps.  

Plus, Ugly’s pussy nearly kills Joshness, Dave’s gay Mexican Marine butthole makes an appearance, the guys have an Amazon dildo argument and take a peek at Brightest Day number one!

Brought to you by PKD Media’s Mercury and the Murd Vol. 1: Collateral Damages.

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This week the guys address some voicemails, review semi-current movies like How to Train Your Dragon, The Fantastic Mr. Fox and Wolf-Man, and complain about crappy TV shows including V and Spartacus. Plus, the guys discover a new American culinary masterpiece, and the mystery of Joshness deepens.

Brought to you by PKD Media and Angry Gnome Comics.

Please support forum member Nigmatic as he raises money in the annual Cystic Fibrosis Research Fundraiser. Donate here: 

http://www.cff.org/great_strides/ethanhunt

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This week the guys get nasty in Derrick’s living room with the TGS Circle Jerk. It’s a no holes barred conversation about the first thing they think of in the morning, and the last thing on their minds at night: Sex. From sex toys and phone sex to classic vs. internet porn, this one has it all.

Want to know which Savant pleasures himself the most frequently? Grab your lotion and give this one a listen!

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This week, the band gets back together and brings along guests Tom Green of the 2 Bit Podcasters, Derrick Wiley, and Dan Dwonch. The group heads to Wondercon, goes over recent TV and news, and catches up on each others personal lives.

And what’s The Gauntlet? You’ll have to listen to find out.

Brought to you by Top Shelf Comic’s BB Wolf and the Three LPs.

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After last weeks trainwreck, Dave finds replacements for his co-hosts. Joined by PKD Media’s Shawn Pryor and The Chad, Dave recounts the spectacle that was Comic Geek Speak’s Super Show. Was the convention worth the hype? Who won awards in what can only be described as the Source Awards for comic nerds? Who lived? Who died? And does Dave really hate white people?

Find out here.

Brought to you by Top Shelf’s BB Wolf and the 3 LPs.

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Holy crap. In this episode, three years in the making, Brian and Ugly go it alone. Left to flail about in the open water by their Disney loving co-host Dave and their “what is it this week” co-host Grant. Hopefully you can sit through a freeballing explosion that is sure to paralyze you with information…No stone is left unturned in the world of comics, movies and milkaholics. After this you will be begging for… something.

Brought to you by Top Shelf Comics’ BB Wolf and the 3 LP’s.

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ASK: My wife and I used to have sex at least 2-3 times a week, but ever since our first child Stephen was born almost two years ago, the well has run dry. We have sex MAYBE once every other month. Six times a year is not keeping me happy. We fight about it constantly, but nothing seems to help. What should I do?

GRANT: Two words  “The Accommodator”.  (google search that shit with the ‘safe filter’ off…) if this doesn’t get her going man, not much else will!

Now, you’ve neglected to tell me exactly WHY the “well has run dry”…most likely it’s because she’s feeling self conscious and not sexy anymore, well, nothing cures that problem better than a horny pizza delivery boy! WHAT?!? You say. Here, let me explain how it works: first, you scour your town’s more outlying pizza joints that you don’t normally frequent and you find yourself a decent looking delivery boy. Next, offer him $25 to compliment your wife and hit on her when he shows up with dinner the next night (you and your son will be off at the movies or some shit…). Ok, at this point, one of two things could happen- either she will pay for the pizza and tip the delivery boy well, OR… she’ll tip the delivery boy VERY well, and by tip I mean fuckee suckee! Hmmm, doesn’t sound too good to you?

Now consider this: either outcome will result in guaranteed continuous sex for you because if she doesn’t tell you, she’ll feel guilty and/or sexy at thesame time which equates to voluntary surprise morning blowjobs, and hardcore porking! If she does tell you, JACKPOT! Not only do you incur the hot guilt sex, but you also get to grudge fuck her and you get a “free pass” on some strange!

 BOO-YA! No more fighting!                               

This week Brian, Super Ugly and Dave try to rebound from the loss of “the real” episode 158 with this skype episode. The guys discuss the Oscar winners and recent events in their lives before getting waist deep into listener voicemails. The conversation leads them back into the past to the moments where their innocence was lost… and their lives of scumdillery began! It’s another peek behind the curtain into the young lives of your favorite dirtbags.

Outro Music by Aloe Blacc.

Brought to you by Top Shelf Comics’ BB Wolf and the 3 LP’s.

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ASK: What should couples be aware of when the wife is pregnant, specifically when it comes to sex?

GRANT: Well you certainly don’t have to worry about your tiny penis jabbing the baby or anything! I would say, avoid the 36” double dong…and “fisting” is certainly a no-no (even though pre-stretching out of the area may seem like a good idea, it’s not necessary).

Ummm…maybe also don’t use too much strawberry flavored sex lube, because through osmosis that might make your baby prematurely fat and difficult to squeeze through your old lady’s “hatchet wound”.

Along the same lines- be aware of how much Banana Boat tanning oil you’re pouring on her and the shower curtain, as there’s the slight chance that the baby could fall out if you get too much in the cooz (that shit is SLIPPERY! ).

Editor’s Note: I am completely offended by this weeks column… and I don’t even have a hatchet wound. See you next week!

This week Dave and Ugly welcome the 2-Bit prodigal son, Brian Roberts, back into the fold for a freeball episode of epic proportion. The guys get hopped up on “Angry Juice” as Ugly discovers that he is uninsurable, voicemails lead to kinky role playing and the eternal Marvel vs. DC debate heats up. Plus, Oscar picks and fanmail from New Moon’s biggest fan! It’s another classic episode from the original TGS power trio.

Brought to you by Top Shelf Comics’ BB Wolf and the 3 LP’s.

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Words can’t describe the awesomeness.

This week, Grant takes a legitimate life changing move and does what he does best: perverts it.

ASK: I was working 10-12 hours a day 7 days a week, doing the jobs of three, but only getting paid for one. I asked for help and didn’t get it.

I couldn’t sleep, was having chest pains and anxiety attacks. Told them I was pissed and they didn’t do anything about it so fuck em…

I quit my job earlier this month. I’m at peace for the first time in a long time, but…

 I’ve got a wife and two kids. What should I do now?

GRANT: Dear Disgruntled Worker,

This seems like it’s become more and more of a problem lately in this country as our economy stays face down in the mud. Take your local adult shop workers for example- not only do they have to run the registers and restock the 36″ double dongs…now they have to mop jizz in the fun booths!

In the past these were always two separate jobs, and do they get paid clerk AND jizz mopper wages? HELL NO! So, the question here is: what can be done to help one deal with this? Let me tell you kind sir, learn the fine art of The Gaffle. In an economy like this, the LAST thing you want to do is quit your job- you make your job work for YOU!

Anyways, so you’ve already fucked yourself and your family- nice job! But- all is not lost…when things turn shitty in this world, remember: you can ALWAYS turn to porn! No one has control of your cock but you and your wife, so use that fact to your advantage and exploit your sexiness for money!

There are all sorts of wonderful people out there who pay top dollar to watch you and your wife do sexual acts that you never thought you’d be doing! Amateur porn is an art form all it’s own. If you’re not an afficionado like myself, well, you both better start watching a hell of alot of it to familiarize yourself with the particulars! Lighting is your friend- even if you have only a shitty web cam or use your point and click camera in video mode, your money shots will still look great if you’ve spent the effort to make sure you have sufficient lighting!

So here ya go, if you’ve already quit your shit job… send the kids to grandma’s (or just put on a really loud movie), lock the bedroom door, and break out the Handy Cam!

(remember two very important things: always shave your balls the day before….and, it stings hella bad when you get it in her eyes, so aim for the forehead!)

Um, great advice, Grant. So what have we learned from Grant this week? That anyone with a little ambition and a little cock can turn a dime as a filmmaker.

This week, The Geek Savants get back to basics with some good ol’ fashioned comics talk. This time the guys talk about their favorite supporting characters.

Plus, the Grant pulls the shower curtain back to reveal one of his favorite (and disturbing) sex acts.

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It’s not nearly as gay as it looks…

ASK: My girlfriend is a nurse, and last weekend a group of her co-workers and I went for drinks. After several shots, my girlfriend and one of her fellow nurses started making out. At first I was a little put off, but I started kissing my girlfriend in a sexy kind of tug of war with the drunk broad, and she kind of got off on it. They both were kind of into it. It really got me to thinking that maybe I could pull an Ugly and have a threesome.

 I know Super Ugly had had mixed results with his threesome, but I was wondering if you think I should go for it?

GRANT:  Pause…

*continued after short visit to the bathroom*

Sorry, I uh, had to uh, take care of something. Ok, the visuals on that were kinda hot (especially since I replaced you, with me…) Let me start by saying sir, you have a bit of ‘the Gay’ within you, if at ANY time you were put off even a little by that shit. Personally, I consider Super Ugly’s threesome a near perfect success. They did their thing on several different occasions and they are still happily married!

As for you and your latent homosexuality…I think you should let me do a test run with the girls and then I’ll get back to you on any possible threesome success you may, or may not have. And remember, females as a species are naturally inclined to have sex with each other…add booze to the equation…and as long as you’re not too gay, a three-way is almost a sure thing!

In this “official” 3 year anniversary episode, the guys discus recent rumblings in popculture including Kevin Smith’s twitter war with Southwest Airlines and the changing of the guard at DC Comics, and wind up unintentionally filling most of the episode with awkward porn talk. It’s another instant classic from the podcast that refuses to die.

Outro music by a bunch of nobodys and the ghost of Michael Jackson. Guh.

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‘Nuff Said.

This week, Grant gives you the 4-1-1 on making your ex-hoe into your current homemaker. Read on, Savantites…

ASK: A girl that cheated on me three years ago has come back into my life, and I’m a little wary of getting involved again. The sex was great, but she broke my heart. She was pretty unbalanced back then, but seems to be a lot more mature now. Should I try to rekindle what we had?

GRANT: Ahhh, there’s nothing quite like “EX-Slut Sex”! I know you may still have some tender, caring feelings for this person…but what you need to do is SQUASH that shit way down, and just dwell on the hurt, heartbreak feeling still burning inside. Use that fire and the (hopefully) three years of honing the fine craft of being an asshole to women (‘cause we all know chicks only fall for assholes…) and really give it to her!

Your newfound assertiveness coupled with your vengeful confidence will make her open all of her holes for you to use as you please!

Just be mindful to pretty much always treat her like shit, she knows she deserves it… and as long as you do, you too can enjoy a long, happy, healthy relationship!

Well there you have it. Another bit of wisdom from the only Geek Savant to bounce his junk onto a 50-year old’s face. See you next week!

This week, the Geek Savants get life changing news as one of their own takes a step further into adulthood, ie Super Ugly’s sperm aren’t nearly as stoned as he is! The guys try to predict what “Growing Up Ugly” will be like, and jump headlong into their review of Smallville’s “Absolute Justice” 2-hour event.

Plus, TGS spotlights the first in a weekly series of LOST focused 2Bit Podcast specials.

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SPOILER ALERT!

Ugly lets the cat out of the bag. 

 Week Two finds Grant playing cupid for a reader’s penis. Read on, true believers…

Ask: I’ve been seeing my current girlfriend for almost six months, and we’re happy for the most part. When we first started going out, she joked about how she doesn’t “go down,” but I just laughed it off. Like I said, it’s been six months, and still no BJ. I’ve gone down on her a bunch, and she never reciprocates. Sure we have sex, but doesn’t one good turn deserve another? How do I convince her to do the deed?

Grant: Look, first off…no girl “doesn’t go down”- they all do! Some just take a little more coaxing than others. Six months is FAR too long to go without a BJ.  Now, I was once in your situation…the female in question was called the “Chicken Lady” and she didn’t want to go downtown, I simply told her “well, I can’t get it up unless you do!”

EDITOR’S NOTE: If your girlfriend looked like a “chicken lady”… could you get it up?

Needless to say…she went to work like a pro, AND did it the very next time without me having to ask her!

Remember, when girls get horny, they’re like cats, they desperately need to rub their pussies on something firm.

 Sometimes all you need to do for your lady to swallow the cack is to swallow your pride, and/or dignity first!

Well, there you have it. Advice from a guy whose junk had been used as chicken feed. Join us next week when Grant tackles another heavy issue– and I’m not talking about his wife!

See you next Friday!

In this Super Bowl gameday preshow, TGS brings back previous guests Justin Robischau and Dan Dwonch and welcome ONI Press’ Resurrection artist Justin Greenwood to the table.

The guys give their predictions for the big game and get to discussing important topics like the iPad, Death by Robot, Dungeons and Dragons, Prison Rape and their reality show pitch, Nerd Island.

Plus, Topless Robot’s 20 Nerd Commandments, and Kirk and Picard give Dave an Eiffel Tower!

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You’ll have to hear it to believe it.

Welcome to the first installment of the Ask Grant column, where Grant Miller, certified nut job and family man will answer your scummiest questions free of charge!

ASK: If you had to seek revenge on someone what would be your “go to” scummy revenge move? Light their car on fire? Or piss in their gas tank?

GRANT: Those two work good when you’re like, sixteen. For a more sophisticated and satisfying revenge move, I prefer to “personalize” the revenge if at all possible. If we’re talking about a co-worker, you can keep a small container of your pee (preferably aged) nearby until the time is right to pour it in their coffee or other beverage.

A mouse turd also works great in coffee because it will sink to the bottom only to be discovered after the last sip!

And remember, you can never download enough gay and/or beastiality porn from their computer while they’re at lunch.

If you’re looking to exact revenge on a friend, or better yet ex-friend, the sweetest revenge is sleeping with their sister… double points for the mom. Nothing says “Fuck you” better than someone who has done you wrong waking up to find their mom in the kitchen making you breakfast. Sure, they might be fighting angry, but will avoid conflict for fear of getting a royal beat down in front of their mother, making the revenge (and after sex glow) that much sweeter!

Well, there you have it. Join us next week as Grant trudges along on the road to enlightenment with his overbearing wife on his back and his children nipping at his heels like wild animals. Who knows… maybe Grant will unlock the secrets of the universe…

This week, The Geek Savants discuss the greatest films of the decade. Okay, maybe not the greatest films of the decade, but their personal favorite movies of the past ten years.

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The guys look back one last time.