ASK: My wife and I used to have sex at least 2-3 times a week, but ever since our first child Stephen was born almost two years ago, the well has run dry. We have sex MAYBE once every other month. Six times a year is not keeping me happy. We fight about it constantly, but nothing seems to help. What should I do?
GRANT: Two words “The Accommodator”. (google search that shit with the ‘safe filter’ off…) if this doesn’t get her going man, not much else will!
Now, you’ve neglected to tell me exactly WHY the “well has run dry”…most likely it’s because she’s feeling self conscious and not sexy anymore, well, nothing cures that problem better than a horny pizza delivery boy! WHAT?!? You say. Here, let me explain how it works: first, you scour your town’s more outlying pizza joints that you don’t normally frequent and you find yourself a decent looking delivery boy. Next, offer him $25 to compliment your wife and hit on her when he shows up with dinner the next night (you and your son will be off at the movies or some shit...). Ok, at this point, one of two things could happen- either she will pay for the pizza and tip the delivery boy well, OR… she’ll tip the delivery boy VERY well, and by tip I mean fuckee suckee! Hmmm, doesn’t sound too good to you?
Now consider this: either outcome will result in guaranteed continuous sex for you because if she doesn’t tell you, she’ll feel guilty and/or sexy at thesame time which equates to voluntary surprise morning blowjobs, and hardcore porking! If she does tell you, JACKPOT! Not only do you incur the hot guilt sex, but you also get to grudge fuck her and you get a “free pass” on some strange!
BOO-YA! No more fighting!